These are the biggest mistakes I made in early 20s – and I swear I’m going to stop making them

Like any other twenty-something, I make bad decisions. Often. It’s an unfortunate side effect of being human.

However, as my dad used to say, “it’s only a mistake if you didn’t learn anything from it.”

I try to learn something from every time I severely mess up. Some of these mistakes were painful lessons that still sting when I think about it and some of them years to recognize (and to be honest, I’m still working on a few of them).

That being said, these are some of the worst mistakes I made as a twenty-something:

Being afraid to say no

I want people to like me. I want to feel needed, cherished, and appreciated. Unfortunately, this need often pressures me into saying “yes” to things I don’t want to do.

Saying “no” makes me feel like a terrible person. I have this deep fear in the back of my mind that every time I said “no,” whoever I’m talking to will like me less. And eventually, I will say “no” too many times and the person will decide, “Hey, Grace is kind of a downer. I should be friends with someone more fun. More likely to say ‘yes’.”

Sadly, it took me until a really messy situation with a friend (well, ex-friend) who did not respect my right to say “no” as an answer until I realized the importance of saying “no.” And how learning to say “no” is one of the best ways you can take care of yourself.

Saying “no” is important. It helps you keep your boundaries and prevents you from being dragged into something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Avoiding rather than confronting

With has hard as it was (well, is) for me to say “no,” it can’t be a surprise that I also suck at confrontation.

I hate confrontation. I really do. I’d much rather ignore the person (or issue) indefinitely until they take the hint and leave me alone (or whatever issue is magically resolved).

Unfortunately, I can count on one hand the number of times this method of dealing with my problems has actually worked… and the number of times this has only exacerbated the situation is well into the double-digits.

Avoiding conflict doesn’t decrease the tension, though. It makes it worse.

Refusing to accept the blame

In college my boss told me that one of the best things someone can do to earn his trust is, when they make a mistake, to be upfront about it.

“Learning how to say, That is my fault. I made a mistake and I am sorry’ when you screw up,” he told me, “Goes a very long way and will get you far in life.”

Since then, I’ve noticed that some people will own up to their mistakes while others will blame everyone around them. I was to be the former (but often find myself learning towards the latter, in the heat of the moment).

It’s an ego thing. When you make an obvious mistake, your ego goes on the self-defense and won’t let you admit you did anything wrong. Do listen to your ego; it can do you more harm than good.

Choosing a job based only on money

The most notable example of this was when I worked for three days at a “sweat shop” in some lady’s basement with a bunch of other women, gluing fancy rocks onto (knockoff?) designer sunglasses that were later sold online for like $100 a piece. I made $2 – $4 an hour, depending on how fast I glued… until, of course, I ran over my boss’s sprinkler system with my parent’s car and she ran down the street screaming that I was fired and I needed to pay for the damages.

I never went back. And considering the fact that she was running an illegal sweat shop in her basement meant that she was hesitant to call the cops on me.

Yeah, I found that job on Craigslist. How did you know?

Basically, I have this obsession over money. I crave the security that money provides. So I picked part-time jobs based on how much they would pay instead of whether or not I would actually enjoy it.

Most of the part-time jobs in my high school, college, and adult years focused on making as much money as I could as quickly as possible, without having to do something I absolutely hate.

Staying at a job you don’t like (when you have other options)

My last job in Tokyo, before I quit to do this whole “blogging/freelance/YouTube/posting about my life on the internet for strangers to read” thing was teaching English at a small, locally run English school.

I didn’t like it. I didn’t hate it either, but I didn’t feel passionate about the work I was doing or the students I was helping. My favorite part of the day was when I got my paycheck and could go home.

Six months in, I realized that wasn’t fair to me or to the students who paid to get quality English lessons. They deserved to have a teacher that felt passionate about the materials, a teacher that was actually called to teach.

And it wasn’t good for me to spend several days a week doing something I didn’t feel passionate about (and most days didn’t even enjoy). I was terrified I would wake up ten years down the road and realize that my entire career path was based on whatever was the easiest/paid the most money in my early twenties.

I knew I had other options. And had a bit of money saved up (I’m a notorious saver rather than spender).

So I quit.

And instead of running straight into the next paying job (whatever that might be), I took a little bit of time off (okay, two weeks) to figure out exactly what I wanted to do. It was a coin toss between this thing that I do now (writing about my life on the internet) and trying to get a job at a recruitment firm (because I’ve wanted a job like that since high school).

I figured now was the time to try this “thing” and if it didn’t work, I could try my hand at job hunting… and lucky for me, it did work.

That was… a year ago. And it was, hands-down, one of the best decisions I have made in my adult life.

Always going for the cheapest option

The other thing that stemmed from my obsession over money was the fact I never spent it. At all.

I never went out to eat in college. 90% of my clothes came from thrift shops, I didn’t buy technology, and I would rather walk two miles than take the bus.

I would spend money on trips (because traveling was my only real hobby), but even then, I saved.

I hit a breaking point mid-college, when I was at a conference. The hotel we were staying at didn’t have a breakfast, but the one across the street had a cheap, continental breakfast of runny oatmeal and bad sausage.

Every morning, I walked across the street with my head held high (pretending I wasn’t doing anything wrong) and jumped into line to get that free breakfast. When a friend at the conference found out, she was mortified.

“I’m just being thrifty,” I told her.

Except I wasn’t. I was being stupid. And now that I think about it, stealing.

Karma caught up to me on day three, as I spent most of the morning of the conference puking my guts up in the hotel bathroom. I missed one of the key speakers I had been looking forward to seeing/meeting all semester because I was too sick to attend.

All for a “free breakfast.”

Not exercising regularly

Exercise is so important, not just for the body but also for the mind.

Getting my blood pumping outdoors for fifteen minutes every day has improved my health, helped with my depression, and improved my work output. It can do wonders for you too.

Making “easy” friends instead of “great” friends

Bad friends are easier to find than good friends, especially in a new environment. I would know, I’ve had plenty of experience.

Bad friends, or “easy friends,” are the ones who jump right into your life. They have interesting drama and they make you feel alive because you’re the only one who will listen.

However, what you get isn’t an equal relationship.

With bad friends, it’s all about them. They will call you at 11pm, crying after a nasty fight with their boyfriend. Or at lunch-time, to rant and rave about their coworkers. But when you need a lift to the doctors, someone to help you move, or someone to talk to about your own problems… they’re nowhere to be found.

For a long time, I thought that putting up with poor behavior was how friendship worked. I purposefully sought out people who were messed up because I thought I was pretty messed up as well, and assumed that a “normal person” wouldn’t want to be friends with me.

Damaged people stick together, I thought.

And so every time one of these bad friends created drama or sent messages to my boyfriend asking him out for coffee “to talk” or turned their life into a living soap opera or sucked me dry for emotional support, I just rolled with it. Because I was a friend and that’s what friends do.

Eventually, by some miraculous turn of events, I made some great, non-emotional-vampire friends who taught me how to stand up for myself. They showed me what healthy, supportive, fun, adult relationships look like… and I couldn’t believe what I had been missing.

The easiest friends aren’t the best. And the most worthwhile friendships you can forge often require a little bit of courage in the beginning, walking across the room to introduce yourself or following up via email the day after. If someone is worth it, fight for them.

Thinking that friendships need to last forever

The problem is bad friends are easy to spot. We all have them.

But… it’s hard cutting people out. Even if we need to.

We all have that one person who doesn’t add value to our lives. You’re friends because of proximity, you happened to go to the same school or work in the same office or have some unique similarity… even though you don’t really like them. Or it’s more than that.

This person doesn’t add value to your life. They’re not supportive. They drain your emotionally. They’re negative and always play the victim and cause drama wherever you go and make you feel guilty for being happy.

Yet you stay. Because it’s easier to stay in that relationship than try to end it. Breakups (even friend breakups) are awful and messy.

However, friendships don’t need to last forever. I wish someone had told me that in college. Sometimes you grow out of friendships and that’s okay.

And if you’ve changed to the point that this person has become a stain in your friendship tapestry, that every time you think about them or get a message from them – and you tense up with an “ugh” feeling in your stomach… well, then it’s time to let them go.

Not allowing myself to be alone

I like being alone.

I like my friends (of course) and my husband (duh), but I don’t have to be social all the time. There’s nothing wrong with having a little bit of alone time every day, to gather your thoughts and to just be you.

 

What about you? What are some of the mistakes you made in your twenty-somethings? 

About Grace Buchele Mineta

I got into the writing business by accident. Now I live in the countryside near Tokyo with my husband, Ryosuke, where I draw comics, blog, and make videos about our daily life. Contact: Website | More Posts

53 Comments on These are the biggest mistakes I made in early 20s – and I swear I’m going to stop making them

  1. I had many fair weather friends when I first moved to Tokyo and to be honest it made me miserable. My friends only wanted to drink with me after school on Fridays and when they did something else, I was never invited. It also hurt to see other coworkers invited when I clearly wasn’t. It wasn’t until I made some real true friends that I became much happier about my life in Japan.

  2. I really appreciate this post. I am also in my 20s and have experience much of this. Especially the friends bit. I am someone who has experienced toxic friendships in the past and it is very hard to cut them out of your life but always worth it. In college it felt like in order to have lasting friends you had to be in consent contact with them (phone, Facebook, email) and hanging out 24/7 in order to keep them but after a while I got tired of it. It dragged me down and started negatively effecting me. I learned it is okay to say no. If they are true friends they will respect you and also give you your space. I need my alone time and I’ve learned that it is okay to be alone. Your 20s are a difficult time and reading this made me feel better knowing someone else thinks and feels the same way I do. Thank you for sharing your experiences. :)

  3. Grace, I made some of the same mistakes when I was 20 something. I’m 64 now. Choosing an occupation based on potential income is a terrible choice. I got into engineering, which turned out not to be something I liked doing, and, a career that ended at 40. I discovered I liked learning new things along the way toward becoming an expert, but, that being an expert was often very boring. I should have stuck with my original inclination to pursue a course that would have led into scientific research. Socrates taught that the most important knowledge one can acquire is to know oneself. Honestly learning that is an inevitably humbling and often a very liberating experience; it’s one of those experiences where joy and sorrow are intimately intertwined. It’s good that you have discovered some important things sooner than later. The best things in life are not found where most people look for them, and, fortunately you have already discovered that. I wish you and Ryosuke the best in your journey together.

  4. I enjoyed reading about your mistakes. I’ve made quite a few of them too, and your post was really eye-opening in some regards (I never really analysed how friendships work, but I think I should definitely pay attention to that).

  5. Charu Sahu // 6 January, 2016 at 11:11 pm //

    so touching you are a good writer amd a good conveyor if your message.Great Job.

  6. You almost sounded like my twin sister. The friendship issue always gets to me, too. Real friends are soooo hard to find. Though, I think I learned my lesson. Quality over quantity.

  7. Thank you so much for writing this. I deal with these things all the time, and sometimes I don’t even realize they’re negatively affecting my life!! I’m just happy to hear that I’m not alone. Growing up in my twenties is hard, but I’m learning so much and I’m so excited for what life can bring. :]

  8. I agree about money. Right now I’m working minimum wage where it feels like I can scrimp and save every month to try to put 100 dollars into my savings–only to be hit with a $1,000+ medical bill that’s more than my entire income per month. It’s not like money is always going to be there for you. Expenses just happen unexpectedly so instead of putting all your energy into saving it’s better to just buy what you really need.

  9. Ah, our 20’s. An entire decade of cringe. When we think we were old enough to know better (unlike middle school/ high school) and still did stupid things anyway. But your dad is very wise — not only do we learn, but we hopefully learn empathy for others who make similar mistakes.

    If you never have to count every penny, how can you have any empathy for those individuals who still have to? (Yeah, looking at you, Donald Trump, and your million dollar loans from your dad…)

  10. I am in the 20s and currently unemployed because I quit my first job after 2 months. So my mistake will be choosing a job that I don’t like because there’s no other option but couldn’t continue it, which caused my future employer to doubt about my ability and personality. I lost my confidence after that experience. I will keep trying to apply but I won’t tell/ write in resume about the 2 months job experience anymore…

  11. The thing I regret most about my early 20s is wasting so much time on regret. I spent far too much time beating myself up over all the things I didn’t do well, or didn’t do well enough. I was stuck in a series of lousy jobs, felt worthless, and saw people around me doing some awesome things with their lives, and all I could think was a never-ending stream of “If only.” If only I’d done better in high school, so I could have gone to university. If only I’d gotten my depression treated sooner. If only I’d taken offers when they were given to me. Over and over. I felt like because I didn’t do everything right the first time, and at the earliest opportunity, my life was essentially derailed and I’d never amount to anything.

    I can’t say that I’ve “amounted to something” since then. But I’ve made a lot of improvements. I have more time to focus on my passions. I’ve done things that the me in high school wouldn’t have dared dream was possible, let alone within my grasp. I still sometimes think that things might have gone better for me had I don’t things sooner (there’s that nagging thought that nobody cares about the stuff that goes on in someone’s life when they’re in their early 30s and single and not living in an interesting city or country, the way people care about those in their 20s for some reason), but my life isn’t over, I’m still making progress, and one of the biggest hurdles has been figuring out who I am instead of regretting who I’m not.

  12. I used to be so afraid of saying ‘no’, especially when my supervisor asked me to help him with work that were unrelated to my job. When that work is done, he expected that I have completed the work I was supposed to do, which often I couldn’t complete. For each time I couldn’t complete my work, he would secretly bad-mouthing me to my colleagues, giving me the silent treatment, pretending that I wasn’t around when I’m right in front of him and asking others whether I’ve done my work or not.

    Until this day, I regretted for not saying ‘no’ when I was unable to help him. But from that, I’ve gained some confidence to say ‘no’ when I need to. I learned to put my work first before others that asked for my help. It may seem like I’m being selfish, but if that keeps me from digging my own grave, I don’t mind that at all.

  13. Aubrey Marshall // 15 December, 2015 at 12:54 am //

    Man that friend stuff is something I wish I had learned in my early 20s too! Especially that friendships don’t have to last forever and it’s okay to grow apart. Maybe you’ll pick back up later in life and maybe you wont. Not every friendship has to be deep and everlasting and I still value the “light” friendships I have with people.

    Also your criminal alias is now The Breakfast Bandit.

    • Tee hee hee. Breakfast bandit. At the time I thought I was being clever, but looking back, I’m freaking mortified. I’m surprised the people I went to the conference I went to still talked to me after.

      As for friends… it’s still hard – but I’ve found a lot of the friends I’ve made recently have been okay with fading in & out, and it’s not as much pressure as in high school/college to make it work.

  14. I cannot believe you ate the breakfast of another hotel XD My mistake was to feel guilty for not being what my family wanted me to be. Then I realized they just worry for me and want me to be happy even if they find me very weird lol

  15. Sk Laila Ayesha // 14 December, 2015 at 4:51 am //

    Hey Grace, I usually read what you write and see your videos. This piece that you have written relates a lot to me. I am in my late 20s and still find myself doing the mistakes you mentioned. There are many options for me as well but I cannot just focus on one thing for money. Sharing your thoughts this way makes you more human (atleast to me). Please keep sharing this way and pray for me so that I am able to find what I am searching for. Have fun :)

  16. I’m only 23 so I guess I’m still making mistakes, but it’ll take that 20/20 hindsight to really spot most of them, I think (except the not-exercising/avoiding conflict, I do do those!) One that’s changed recently is the ‘following the money’ one. Someone wiser than me said to me that I should take jobs from which I can learn transferable skills, not necessarily the highest paying ones. I was sceptical at first (you always are of advice like this when you’re young and broke), but lately I’ve started appreciating it more. Even my current job as a bargirl/waitress (part time gig whilst I look for something better) is teaching me things about building relationships with co-workers and about honest communication with my boss. It is also teaching me the value of a job, doing something that sixteen-year-old me would have turned her nose up at. After a few years in the ‘real world’ post-uni, I now realise that a job is something you spend the majority of your waking hours doing, so even if you don’t love everything about it, focusing on what makes it worthwhile (aside from the paycheck) does help.

    • That’s so true. Jobs where you can learn transferable skills are amazing. I had a couple of those in college and they shaped me into who I am today. The only thing I really missed was a job in the food industry (not from lack of trying – I applied to every McDonalds, Starbucks, and Daylight Donuts in a 20 mile radius with no luck). I’m hoping I will get a chance to get some more part-time jobs, to learn new skills.

  17. I am way, way past my 20’s but can still recall and identify, poignantly if not painfully, with the kinds of ‘mistakes’ you described so courageously. THANKS for sharing these!!

    As the comments you received noted almost every 20-something is challenged by these kinds of issues and situations. It CAN, and often does, get ‘easier’ as you get into your 30’s and beyond. If you want to be a thoughtful and caring person, some of these will remain to be dealt with at various times throughout your life. It’s ‘the price one pays’ for being humane with others. WELL WORTH it, in my opinion.

    Thanks again, Grace, for your openness. It is inspiring for me to read about a 20-something who is so actively and successfully engaged with finding meaning and purpose in life.

    • That’s the hope, I think. I’d love for some of these to go away… but I don’t want to stop meeting friends (etc) because I’m scared of bad friendships. It’s totally worth it.

      I’m glad you found this post interesting!

  18. Great post! I’m closer to 30 now than 20 but still working through these, especially the job which is hard to give up. Moving abroad helped fizzle out some “friendships” that needed to go!

  19. 原來,這世界上,很多人心理上,都遭遇這些煎熬。
    Those experiences you just told really make me released.
    Thank you, Grace.

    And I really love your vedios about your life in Japan.

  20. Grace I totally relate myself with you. Thanks for writing it, I’m sure is going to help many people, no matter how old we are, it’s always good to read it over and over again!

  21. I think all the things about boundaries and money are issues that we continue to grapple with all our lives, because these things morph and change as we get older. The nuances are subtler sometimes, and it gets tricky.

    For instance, when should a boundary be a hard boundary? And when should we be flexible with it? I still have trouble with that.

    With money, I’ve noticed that as I’ve started earning more and valuing my time more, I’ve started changing my perception of money. If it will take me twice as long (or even longer) to do something that I seriously dislike and that will have a material impact on my life, and if I can afford it, I spend the money to hire a professional to do it for me. I now pay to get my taxes done (even though I’d done it myself for ages, and it’s been the best money I’ve spent, because I can send in my taxes worry-free). My time is valuable, and I deserve to use it to enrich my life instead of stressing out over the nitty-gritties.

    And I totally learned about being cheap the hard way, just like you. I used to be super cheap about everything, but I started learning that sometimes, buying quality is more important than buying cheap. I totally save as much as I can on things that don’t matter to me (in a smart, efficient way), and then splurge guilt-free on the things that matter to me. I still make mistakes all the time, and I spend entirely way too long over-thinking any purchase over $50, but having that money mindset has been really great in terms of having a personal money philosophy to fall back on.

  22. In my 20’s I got a job that paid well. I hated it. After 20 years I had enough and took a year off then found a better job, in the same industry. I gave it six more years and one day couldn’t bear to walk out of the house.

    The industry I was in treated the majority of its staff terribly. The highly skilled were treated well because we were not so easily replaced.

    I went back thinking in this new company, in this new position I could make change, I could make a difference in an industry that so needed changing. I did, for 104 out of 18,000 people and I had to fight every day to do it. I had to fight with my bosses to treat people with respect and dignity and they “put up with me” because, in what shouldn’t be a surprise, the productivity and safety records were consistently being achieved and exceeded by my group. Yet, after a very rough period I finally found myself one morning with no fight left. I had to walk away. I hated myself for doing it and I hated knowing what would happen to my staff.
    I still hate myself for not being able to make any real lasting change.

    I went back to school and am about to begin a new life in a new career and there is no fear left in me of the unknown.

    Everyone has their own story but it’s your story. No one, no company, no boss has the right to make your story secondary to theirs. If you are doing something that you hate, really hate, get out.

  23. Thank you for writing this.

    I’m in my early 30s and still find myself learning these lessons. In my case, I need to stop accepting blame for everything. (Sorry is a word I use too often.) I’m getting better at saying no and being less evasive when it comes to confrontation, however. (I still hate it.)

    I think the biggest lesson I learned in my 20s is to do right by you. In my late 20s I made a huge decision that was painful and had me scared of what others might think, but it was for the best, and I was able to move forward with my life. It was a comfort zone I had to leave. Most people supported my decision, and I realized that my happiness was all that mattered to those who cared about me. (And really, if I had to mind anyone, it was those who mattered.)

    I’m on the verge of making another big decision, taking an unconventional path. It’s scary to think about following through, but if my track record is anything to go by, I’ll land on my feet just fine, and I’ll have the support from those who want to see me happy. Now I just have to…Do it!

    So: Never be complacent. Do what makes you happy, what you feel is best for you. Those who truly care will have your back in any case. The more you ignore that feeling in your gut that tells you to make a change, the more miserable you’ll be.

  24. I’ve found that being afraid to say yes is often just as big an issue as being afraid to say no, and I think this comes through in some of the points here in different ways. So many people (myself included) put themselves in a sort of comfort zone that they do whatever they can to avoid stepping out of. Taking a risk and saying either “yes” or “no” when you regularly wouldn’t can be scary but it often ends up in a memorable experience that you wouldn’t have allowed yourself to have otherwise.

  25. Thanks for writing this piece. Some of my big fears is saying “no” because I’m worried people will think less of me, as well as avoiding confrontation because of the mess I’m sure it would make.

    Maybe I’ll get more courage one day

  26. I relate to this on so many levels. I especially relate to the Bad Friends/Easy Friends part… I had a nasty “breakup” last year with a girl whom I thought was my friend. Hell, I even thought she was one of my BEST friends for a while…She was/is everything that you described, though. Looking back now, I don’t even understand how I stuck with her for so long. In spite of who I thought she was to me, I find that I don’t even miss her, and that I’m even kind of relieved to not have her (or her crazy family) in my life anymore. Except for situations like this that remind me, I don’t even think about her, either.

  27. A lot of what you’ve written happens beyond the 20’s, 30’s and 40’s.
    I’m still learning life’s lessons and try to grow from them. Trust is still a big issue for me. My best friend is, and always will be, my husband.
    I meet new people all the time. The world, in general, thinks I’m a bubbly, outgoing, social sort but the reality is I, too, fight depression every day.

    It is through the harshness of selfish and misleading folk of the planet, that I have learnt to wear a mask (for want of a better descriptive).
    I wait a while before I take the mask off.

    When I was in my 20’s, I was a carefree, happy person, being burnt by people has taught me to be more careful.

    Although your life lessons are sometimes painful, it’s how we grow and evolve. I have made mistakes, a bazillionty of them!!
    Those that inevitably hurt us, teach us what to look for (and not look for) in the future.

    I’ve never been afraid to say no, or confront an issue when needed. It may not have made me popular but the people that stick around are usually worth their weight in gold.

    So, I guess what I’m trying to say, is that you aren’t alone, in spirit anyway ;)

    You are certainly wiser than I was in my 20’s.

    If you can turn a negative into a positive, you are doing super well. I’m still applying that to my daily life.

    Thanks for the interesting post, and making conversation about the more difficult things that can be awkward to talk about.

    Cheers,
    Kitty

  28. This are good and pretty spot on. I have to disagree with the “staying at a job you don’t like.” Frankly, I think more people realize that sometimes you have to do work you don’t like just to survive. Other times, you need to put in your time to get experience or figure out what you are good at. I also think that even at a job you do like, there are highs and lows. It’s unrealistic to expect to always like what you do and I think you are very lucky to be able to do something you are passionate about it.

    • Thanks! That’s true. I edited the post a bit to reflect more what I’m trying to say. It’s true that staying at a job you don’t love for the paycheck is a legitimate (and good) decision. And that any job has highs and lows. I was mostly worried about staying at a job I wasn’t passionate about while KNOWING I had other options (and could probably get one of those options if I took the chance and put in the effort). If that makes sense?

  29. I learned the hard way that friends should not and do not make you. But I love the realization that online friends, are usually pretty good indications of friends because if they weren’t they wouldn’t take time to reply/tag/etc to you if they really didn’t care.

    As for money, I enjoyed my younger years way too much that I’m kicking myself in the butt for over doing things and I feel like I screwed up enough when I was between 15-20.

    I am not talented enough to quit my job and do what I am passionate about because realistically, I have no ground to stand on yet and need to work towards whatever goals I can truly manifest into a good, passion filled job.

    I am forever inspired by these posts and I enjoy how much they get me thinking. But remember, you are realizing these things now–most don’t until they are in their 30s. I think you are doing just fine to want to stop making these ‘mistakes’ soon. ;)

    • The longer I’ve been at it, the more I realize that trying to make money from your passion is a pretty awful idea. In my case it worked because I had a physical product to sell (my books), but trying to make it as a full-time blogger or YouTuber or artist is hard. And really sucks your passion away (unless you’re lucky enough to know how to and be able to market yourself correctly).

      I want to write about that someday, but I feel like I need to give it more time and thought. Does that make sense?

  30. Thank you so much for this article. I am struggling w/ the “following the money” and then staying w/ a job for the money issue. I’m afraid to follow my dreams because I may not get that paycheck security and that really scares me. I love your comics and youtube videos…thank you for all you do! :)

    • It’s true that staying at a job you don’t love for the paycheck is a legitimate (and good) decision. I edited the post a bit to reflect that – I was mostly worried about staying at a job I wasn’t passionate about while KNOWING I had other options (and could probably get one of those options if I took the chance and put in the effort)

  31. I made many mistakes in my 20s. One big one was not trusting my instincts and the other was not taking chances. It’s very normal to make mistakes in our 20s. My husband says that’s all about doing the wrong thing and the 30s are about growing up and becoming an adult!

    • That’s totally true. I like to think that the 20s are for making mistakes (and learning from them), so that by the time your 30s roll around, you’ve (mostly) got your act together. Maybe that won’t happen, but it’s nice to dream~!

  32. At 25, I have a boyfriend and one friend who lives 2 hours away. All the rest of my friends I’ve met online. I even met my boyfriend online, and we’ve been together IRL for 7 years.
    I’ve tried making friends. But I just fail to keep up with the pace they like to go. Or our interests really vary. Or I do things all wrong. But that’s okay. Being alone is good too.

    I often find myself wishing I could be friends with someone like you.
    But I’m too shy and lack the self confidence.
    At least I can pretend by watching your videos and following your facebook page.

    • Weirdly enough, what got me into the internet in the first place was exactly the same thing. There were quite a few people I followed online and thought “I want to be friends with them” but didn’t know how to/lacked the confidence.
      I figured the easiest way would to put us in the same boat – if I also wrote about my life on the internet or made videos or drew comics, they might want to be friends with me too, since we have so much in common. It didn’t always work out (of course), but I’ve made so many awesome friends on the internet.

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