My greatest regret

couple romance amwf grace and rysouke romance

Yesterday Ryosuke and I went over to a friend’s house for dinner. As the evening was winding down, I moved to the couch while the boys continued to compare “work horror stories” in Japanese. As a freelancer working primarily with Western companies from home, my brand of “horror stories” are vastly different than someone working at a traditional Japanese company. Plus, when I’m participating in the conversation, they have to speak Japanese a tad bit slower, to make sure I can catch everything.

So I moved to the couch and absentmindedly flipped through a travel magazine.

Ryosuke and I love to travel. We took our first trip together to Miami when we had only been dating a couple months. We stayed at a small hostel North of Miami Beach (aka “party central”), ate at a different restaurant every day for lunch (ordering things we couldn’t pronounce), and told everyone we were honeymooners, young and in love. Years later, that’s still one of our fondest memories.

(In Miami, years ago)

(In Miami, years ago)

Towards the end of the trip, I got sick. Not badly, just enough that we had to spend the last two days (of our five-day trip) laying on the beach, not doing much.

It was frustrating… but we had each other, so it was ok.

I took him to Texas to meet my family. We got a groupon (remember when groupon was a thing?) discount for a 3 hour paintball session. On the way to the ranch, I started to feel sick. We turned around and went home. Ten minutes from home, I started to feel dizzy. Ryosuke doesn’t have a drivers license in America, so we couldn’t switch drivers. I had to pull over to the side of the road several times and crank the heat to stop shivering. He carried me inside the house, since I fell right out of the car. I was bed-ridden for four days.

It was embarrassing… but he just wiped my forehead with a cool cloth and snuggled with me in bed – chatting about all our dreams.

We got married and went to Peru on our honeymoon. I was feeling fine, just a little sleepy. I went back to the hotel for an afternoon nap. Ryosuke poked around the market for an hour, then joined me at the hotel. I was unconscious when he found me – covered in sweat and hallucinating. Smart man – my husband called an ambulance.

This picture was taken outside our hotel, right before I went upstairs for a nap. Two hours later, I was unconscious in the hospital.

This picture was taken outside our hotel, right before I went upstairs for a nap. Two hours later, I was unconscious in the hospital.

I had amoebas in my stomach, an infection in my stomach, bladder, and intestines, and a nasty parasite that decided my appendix needed to go. I was fine – then suddenly, I wasn’t.

Even now, I don’t remember what happened.

After surgery, I got another infection.

This photo was taken 3-4 hours after the first one.

This photo was taken 3-4 hours after the first one.

We cancelled the rest of our honeymoon (backpacking through South America) and flew home.

Ryosuke and I used to lie in bed for hours and talk about all the things we were going to do. We were going to spend two weeks climbing Machu Picchu. We were going to walk the Santiago Trail from Portugal to Spain. We were going to work in Africa for a year (possibly Ghana, where my parents live) at any number of sanitation NGOs Ryosuke loves. We were going to travel through Southeast Asia.

We don’t talk like that anymore.

Couple amwf ibaraki travel video

My biggest regret in life is that I can’t give my husband the world – because of my own weaknesses.

If I was born in America 100 years ago, I wouldn’t have survived childhood. If I was born these days, to an “average” family in a developing country, I wouldn’t have survived childhood either. All in all, I am incredibly lucky and incredibly privileged to be born to parents who love me and could financially afford to take time off work to take care of me when I got sick.

I’m not “normal.”

Several of y’all have asked why I freelance, instead of having a “real” job. The embarrassing truth is, I can’t have a “real” job – I tried. I must get 8 hours of sleep every night or I get sick. Even then, when I feel myself coming down with something, I need to drop everything, take vitamins, and take a nap – or I get sick.

Working a “regular” job is horrible (especially an average Japanese company, where sick days technically exist, but you are highly discouraged from ever taking them). So I freelance. These days, the income I net from freelancing is (almost) equal to what I would have made at my last job. I’m so glad. And I’m so thankful y’all read my blog and encouraged me to keep writing. I’m lucky.

couple romance amwf grace and rysouke romance

I love my husband. I want to give him the world – and more. I want to travel all over the globe with him, learning and doing crazy, adventuresome things. But we can’t. And most of the time, I don’t even think about it… but sometimes it just hits me. Like when I was flipping through our friend’s travel magazine.

In Peru, the doctor told us how close I was to dying. We were leaving the next day for a nine day, grueling hike to the top of Machu Piccu. If I had gotten sick during that hike, I wouldn’t have made it.

We got lucky. That wasn’t the first time and it certainly won’t be the last. Rysouke has taken me to the hospital seven times, on three different continents. One day, we’re not going to make it to the hospital in time.

 peru honeymoon hospital

And that sucks, because we have come to realize that this constant danger means we need to always play it safe. No risks. Always have a hospital within a 2-hour drive.

We can’t live the kind of adventures you read in magazines.

But we can love.

We love each other so much. Ryosuke is my muse and he says I’m his “better half.” We have bunches of fun together. We hike, cook, dance, work, and love together. Getting to spend every day with Ryosuke is honestly the best feeling in the world – way better than what I imagined marriage to be like when I was a kid.

I’ve shown him the depths of my soul – and he loves every bit of me. He’s confessed things he never thought he would ever trust someone to keep – and I love him more than words can express.

las vegas interracial couple amwf amww honeymoon

We can’t be that awesome couple, travelling the globe together. We’re not the backpacking type, I guess. But we can be that awesome couple, who love each other with everything they’ve got – and make even the most mundane things, fun.

When Ryosuke was taking care of me the last time I had the flu, he told me “I like taking care of you. Besides, if you were healthy, it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the world.”

I asked what he meant.

“You’re smart, funny, and incredibly sexy,” he told me. “If you were healthy too, it wouldn’t be fair. You would be the most perfect super-human. So you had to be born with a weakness, otherwise the world would be unbalanced. No one else could ever beat you!”

About Grace Buchele Mineta

I got into the writing business by accident. Now I live in the countryside near Tokyo with my husband, Ryosuke, where I draw comics, blog, and make videos about our daily life. Contact: Website | More Posts

92 Comments on My greatest regret

  1. Charu Sahu // 11 December, 2015 at 9:55 pm //

    really glad to read this Grace I know how you would be feeling. I am proud of you amd Ryosuke you both are my muse.☺ enjoy your life

  2. Anonymous // 15 October, 2015 at 9:35 pm //

    Deeply moving and heart-warming article.
    Please keep writing! We are a Japanese/Australian (Chinese heritage) couple, so your articles have been a great encouragement to us.

  3. This article really just struck me and it made tears the flow down. Almost two years ago, out of a group of online friends, I had started to fall for one of the guys. He was smart and what a lot of people didn’t pick up he was kind. But most of all he kept a distance from everyone. It wasn’t till a 6-7 months later both him and I have gotten so close to each other and now about to celebrate our one year together. What I didn’t know when I met him is that has Chinese. I never knew Chinese men could be sweet. I, then, was just fascinated with the Japanese culture. But he is the most sweetest considerate and loving person I know. I also know he’s the love of my life, it’s early still yet yes but there are just times when you know. Every time there’s something wrong he has to know… Even if we do live across the US from each other he does everything he can to make things to where I’ll smile and laugh. I can really relate with this article because I also have health problems. I don’t know how I’m going to give him everything, help pay the bills and be a good wife eventually. But I do know that we are everything to each other. He tells me that so much and I him. I hope I hear more about you two because it inspires me so much. Thank you very very much for writing this article because it gave me more courage that you could believe.

  4. Margaret // 7 July, 2015 at 9:07 am //

    So sweet he is! If you are the world to each other, then you have given him the world that matters :) Remember that! Stay healthy :D

  5. Aww… this is the sweetest post I’ve ever read. If I ever consider dating and getting married, I hope I meet someone who is willing to put up with me like that. You are so sweet…

  6. WendyNJ // 13 June, 2015 at 3:32 pm //

    You’ve been through so much, health-wise, but you are so lucky to have a husband like Ryosuke who has been, and will be, there for you (and it’s also sweet that he feels that your ‘weakness’ makes you less super-human and keeps the world more in balance) – you two make a great team (I was going to write “an adorable team” but that’s becoming redundant with you two – even if you ARE one of the sweetest and most adorable couples I’ve ever seen, lol).

    You say that you’re sorry you aren’t able to fulfill those dreams of giving him the world, but I think that you have through your blog/vlog, because so many people from around the world are coming to you as subscribers, fans, patrons, etc. And as another person commented, marriage itself is an adventure – and I think we’re all happy to hear more of your & Ryosuke’s adventures in the future!

  7. I really enjoyed reading this! You’ve really been through a lot, and it’s nice to see that you have such a supportive and caring husband/best friend there by your side to take care of you and pick you up when you’re down!
    Thanks for sharing this with us, and I can’t wait to read more! ^_^

  8. An Israeli Girl // 20 May, 2015 at 9:50 am //

    Oh, I’m so happy that I’ve found this random post somehow…and now I’m feeling better – knowing I’m “supporting” you on Patreon.
    I suffer from a similar health condition so I guess I know what you’re talking about :(

    You go, girl! keep on writing and being such a great person.

  9. Random thing I learned from Microbiology: Botulism. (Like the stuff people use for botox). But it’s a life threatening disease caused by a bacteria called Clostridium Botulinum. It can release toxins that cause paralysis. Infant botulism occurs in children 1 year or less from unpasteurized stuff that contain the spores such as honey, and sometimes fruit juices. Idk but if you ever read this and ever think about kids, don’t feed them honey haha. I think it’s interesting but rarely occurs apparently. >_<

  10. That was beautiful. I think what Ryousuke said truly made you never want to let him go. I, sometimes still believe in soulmates and so maybe you guys were meant to be together. It’s just wonderful because I know for sure your love is rare, not everyone can have it or follow through with there vows. I think Ryousuke is right also of what he said, the world would truly be unbalanced if some of the most amazing people didn’t have some sort of weakness. I think you and him both. :3

  11. Aw man this sucks! (sorry for a bizarrely late comment- I’m stalking your blog!) I have pretty shitty health too (Juvenile Arthritis and an undiagnosed B12 deficiency that gave me really bad nerve damage). Its so good that Ryosuke is so with your health! Sorry if this is super rude- and you probably have gotten a million comments about this already- but I’m currently going through a treatment for my autoimmune stuff thats originally for people with weak immune systems- its an IV therapy of Immunoglobulin, maybe you could ask a doctor about it? Again I’m really really sorry if that came across as pushy or know it all- you probably know and have tried all the treatments already!

  12. This post really touched me. I also have weak health (it’s complicated) – but I also tire easily and can’t work full time. I get sick often, and because of extreme food allergies, I really can’t travel. Previously I was dating a guy from Peru and your story reminded me so much of how he would always want to take care of me when I was sick and how I always felt bad that I was keeping us from doing fun and exciting things. But he kept reminding me that exciting activities and travel weren’t what mattered – what mattered was us and just spending time together. I wish you the best with your health and relationship! Thanks for sharing your stories!

  13. It seems to me that you and Ryosuke have a lot of fun and happiness, even without the bold adventures you dream of.
    That’s not to make light of your disability; it’s just an observation.

    If you don’t mind saying so, what is the health problem that puts you in hospitals so often?
    If you’d rather not say, that’s fine, too, but I’ve seen a lot of different problems, and had some of them myself, so I’m interested.

  14. In my opinion, to him nothing is more important that you. it doesn’t matter what problems you two may face, or the many happy things you could do together, what’s most important to him is being there for you. And it seems that both of you feel the same about each other, you just want to be with each other.

  15. Such a moving post! Thanks for opening up and talking about this.

    I’ve also been dealt a weak immune system and got seriously ill the first time I lived abroad in China (I didn’t get seriously ill in China, that’s just when the symptoms surfaced). I had to go back home for treatment. It took me 2 years to fully recover (1 1/2 of which were spent with trying to find the reasons and non-effective treatments). I’ve had doctors tell me it was all in my head and sometimes didn’t know if I’d ever be able to recover. But I swore to myself that if I did, the first thing would be to come back to China. There’s a lot of stuff I can’t do or have to do differently than healthier people, but by making necessary arrangements, travel is still possible.

    I’m so glad your husband reacted fast when you needed to go to hospital and that you were able to recover and keep on writing!

  16. PPS: Oh, and don’t forget – there is the whole of Europe to conquer for you. Its not Macchu Picchu, but we Europeans can surely boast of some cool spots (that are within reach of hospitals and the hospitals here are actually not bad).

  17. This post, that I missed for long, cheered me up. Why? Because I can relate. Because I myself have major health issues, too. Right now, since 8 months, I had only exactly two days without pain. I am still young and have so many dreams and plans, but nowadays I hardly manage to cook for myself or take the dogs for a walk. And then I kinda fall apart every couple of days, thinking that I will never be able to fullfill my dreams. Thats why Vlogs/Blogs like yours and Rachel’s and Jun’s give me a glimpse at an alternative life, so I can escape my personal horror house here. I am sorry, that you have to limit you dreams (and consequently your husband’s) because of your health risks. I guess the only way to see it, is to appreciate what you have. As you pointed out – born somewhere else or in different times both of us would have snuffed it long ago. I just wish I had a loving partner like you do, that ought to help somwhat :) I could use a pet or imaginary friend like Ryosuke – so bouncy and high spirited all the time :D
    PS: I read on some of your posts a while ago, that you used to try and respond to every comment or mail. Are you crazy, girl? Your really gotta ballance stuff like that, imagine having a million subscribers… So. Don’t answer my comments (unless you feel an uncontrollable urge to), I am fine thinking that maybe you read them at some point. Subscribers/fans need to learn some modesty, jeez. :D Highfive from totally-unhealthy-chick to often-not-so-healthy-Texan-girl!

  18. Love your post grace. Some tips for you. Try accupuncture, and then some herbal medicine, and a chiropractic adjustment with a massage therapy. See how you feel. They are uninvasive and stimulate the body to heal itself. I am not a doctor but a patient and after all the years of going to doctors, i balance the two now. Western medicine with eastern medicine. When I get the flu, I go to my chiropractor and my accupuncturist. My recovery time is less than when I don’t. Then there is diet. Find out your allergies and also get a dietician to analyze your body and diet. Money to do all this?I totally know you’re on a fixed budget. I don’t kinow how the medical inusrance works there in japan for these things and you did mention that it was cheaper. Work out and keep the body fit but again, extreme weathers like japan it’s hard. BTW, do you have a shipping address? I’m buying you guys another portable heater.Love your latest post.

  19. You are superhuman. Taking on your own work hours and still making time to love and have fun. Good luck Grace! You’re very talented.
    It’s because of you that I found ways to cope with my long distance relationship and I can’t thank you enough even though you don’t know me. I wish you all the best :)

  20. This post made me cry. I know how you feel. Or at least, I have an idea on how you feel. I have a rare disease (disorder? illness? idk, all the same words to me) called Hereditary Angioedema. Only about 6000 people in the USA have this disease. I am missing a protein in my blood that controls swelling. I can swell for no reason at all, any place in my body, and it can happen very quickly. As you can imagine, it is life threatening. My mother didn’t even want me moving out of the house on my own in fear of what would happen if I had a life threatening swell while alone. One of my biggest dreams is to travel the world. But I am afraid to with this disease The doctors here in the US don’t even know what I have, let alone if I have to explain it in another language. I am so happy you have found someone like Ryosuke to help you along. I hope one day I am as blessed as you are to find someone who loves me as much as he loves you. Thank you for sharing your life with us. :)

  21. What a lovely — though bittersweet — post. Thanks so much for sharing. Most of your posts are pretty upbeat, which made this a nice contrast. But, um, if you’re going to write more like this, can you warn us ahead of time? Perhaps with a tissue rating system? One tissue means just a few tears you can probably blink back. While four tissues means the reader had better not read this post in public! (I rate this post 2.5 tissues. Right now my coworkers just think I have a cold.)

    I get sick when I don’t get enough sleep, too, but not on remotely the same scale. I just throw up. I never got enough sleep in high school, which started at the ungodly hour of 7:30 AM. I spent four years puking every morning. Friends kept asking me (and my parents) if I was pregnant. My dad would say, “If she is, she’s carrying an elephant! She’s been doing this for years!”

    College was the greatest thing ever. Roll out of bed, roll into class, and I could finally wear my hair down without fear of vomit getting into it.

  22. Awww, such a wonderful and honest post. Thanks for sharing!
    You two really have such a beautiful relationship. I hope you two will still be able to travel once in a while though! But I guess being in Japan is already super amazing!

  23. That last bit about what he said to you was really sweet, and it actually made me tear up a bit because I can relate. I just started watching your videos recently through Rachel and Jun, but I’ve come to enjoy your personality through your blog as well.

    It’s really hard to be limited by things out of your control, something that may not hit you all of the time, but when it does, it hits hard. Until my current boyfriend, I’ve feared not being able to meet someone who would appreciate me because of my limitations. I always fuss that people can find significant others that have personalities like mine but without all of the physical problems. Then my boyfriend will tell me what Ryosuke’s told you.

    I’m really glad you guys found each other. You have an amazing relationship, and it’s given me hope that there’s someone (hopefully my current boyfriend) that will settle down with me in the future, too.

  24. Your husband is such a wonderfull person. I loved how he said you had to have a weakness or else you would have been a superhuman <3 I really hope you can travel again in the future, if so you should come to Norway *^_^* many mountains to hike up, and loads of fjords and beautiful nature.

  25. Hi Grace,
    I’ve been browsing through your posts and videos for several weeks now. You are both amazing, thank you for your blog! I love traveling and I also have health issues, so I totally understand your struggle. I was born in one of those developing countries, but now I live in US. Every time I thank my lucky star that I am here. I still try to travel, but I need to adapt to my situation. My problems are mostly digestive, so I am careful to not eat fried food, fresh food (most times it would not be washed properly), acidic, spicy etc. When I travel within US, I look for lodging in private homes, where I can cook something (airbnb). With one pot of chicken soup, I can survive for several days. It even saves me some time, because I don’t have to wait for my meal to be served in a restaurant. The one thing that I will not have the courage to do is traveling to developing countries. It is one thing to land in ER in Nova Scotia, and another in Nepal. But I will give a try to Japan this coming May. I’ve been there once in 2009 and I did get sick for 2 days, but I think I have learned to avoid street food, free tea sitting in exposed trays (you know how the sneezing happens in Japan). If I get proper rest, if I manage to incrementally adapt to the time zone a couple of week before the trip, if I don’t force myself to cover too much ground, I hope I can survive for 2 weeks and catch wisteria in bloom. Yes, I’ll miss the whole culinary experience, but if I eat some Tokyo banana, which I know I can tolerate, it will be more than I can do here.

    By the way, if you have the opportunity, it would help if you made a video with Japanese traffic signs that are different than in US/EU. For instance, the STOP sign is triangular rather then octagonal. Or those that have only text in Japanese. I would use the train for the most part, but there is a possibility that I may look into renting a car for a drive between Ashikaga and Hitachi Seaside park. The info on the Internet seems scarce in this area.

    I wish both of you the very best!

  26. What great post.
    Thanks for sharing.
    keep writing. Me and I know a lot of other people enjoy it. :)
    God bless

  27. Victoria Vidaud // 13 February, 2015 at 4:22 am //

    You’ve brought me to tears… I’ve been watching your YouTube channel since the “comparing japanese husbands” bit with Rachel and Jun, and loved the chemistry between you and your husband. It felt the same as me and mine (four years dating, two months married ^_^) and makes me happy to see your videos.
    I cry because I feel the exact same way as this, I have migraines and depression, and my husband has diabetes and this last year had been hard on us both health wise, and I’ve almost lost him multiple times… I love him with everything. I have to give and more, but he’s the only one able to work, and yet I can’t even managed to keep our place clean on my own without him cleaning after work because of daily headaches, and it feels hopeless sometimes, you know? But seeing your story and how you both still care for each other gives me hope that, even when bad, we’ll be together and it’ll be okay. So, long story short, thank you so much for sharing, and please keep making funny happy videos with you and Ryosuke to spread the warmth of your love to everyone :) (..except to Florida, it’s shorts weather right before Valentines day >_<; )

  28. You and your husbands are lucky t have found one another. I like this post, but what I don’t agree with is the comment about you probably not surviving childhood if you had been born in a developing country. I live in one of those countries and am from an average family… I survived. It all depends on what type of developing countries you’re talking about.

    Developing countries are perceived as lacking in economic, political & social stability. Though my country is considered to be economically stable because of its export earnings, it is still considered a developing country because of our infrastructure (or lack thereof). I grew up in an average family in a third world country and I survived. Healthy as a horse.

    • It depends. I have an incredibly weak immune system – I only lived in Ghana for a year with my family (they still live there now, but because of health reasons, I had to leave).
      I was in an out of the hospital for little things – malaria, typhoid, the flu, etc. Luckily the hospitals weren’t very expensive (like less than $100 a day without insurance), but in most cases, my parents had to pay upfront before the hospital would even let me inside.

  29. Grace, I can totally relate to you b/c, like yourself, I also can’t really have a real job. I did the real job thing for a while and it made me quite sick as well. (Serious vertigo.) I realized that the fast-paced world of typical jobs just wasn’t for me. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit it, but very true for me. Terrific post!

  30. About freelancing: I have been freelancing for years and believe me, freelancing IS a “real job”. In many ways, it’s MORE of a real job than being a small cogwheel in a big company. A freelancer is responsible for finding clients, maintaining client relations, delivering work on time, doing taxes and much more. Still, I wouldn’t want to trade with a Japanese salaryman, or any salaryman for that matter.

  31. God, I love you both so much right now! :). That is exactly what I needed to read at just the right moment.

    I completely understand how you feel and am myself in a very similar situation… I wouldn’t wind up dead anywhere, but it could get bad enough that I would be wishing I would if I lose the ability to control my environment. :/

    Honestly, I love reading your posts sometimes because it helps me smile and restores my faith in humanity from time to time! :)

    Oh! …and after reading the last paragraph of this post that your husband said to you, I’m betting the man got lucky soon after! Hehehe;)

    …I’m wondering though (certainly not something you need to reply to on here) since you know how a lot of your health issues start up, especially when you have trouble getting to a hospital, could you sit down with your doctor and put together sort of an emergency ‘go pack’ of sorts? Certain meds, emergency injections and the like. I know you dont go into details, but Ive met a few people over the years that have done something similar. (Have a lot of nurse friends too.)

  32. You mean the world to him that is what matters :)

  33. Anonymous // 4 February, 2015 at 3:14 am //

    I am sure it took a great deal of consideration to share your state of health with us, readers.
    Someone commented that you should look at the news to see less fortunate than you. Well I would not be that extreme, as you can only talk about what is your condition.
    I feel like as I wrote in the past that you are a really young girl with potential to be developed. Thats why I suggested going to comic school.
    I always felt like based on your writings that you have some personal insecurities or demons from the past controlling you.Thats why you find so much support in your husband.
    I guess that your body is giving you signals about your state of mind after all the moving and hassle you went through going to Japan.
    So it might not be the immune system solely, but a response of your psyche expressing in constant sickness.
    I am not giving a diagnosis of course, its a thought given your past writings.
    I think you will be healthy when a your personality and place in the society will mature, and in a way stop relying on people around you.
    Blessings

    • Anonymouse // 4 February, 2015 at 9:48 am //

      You are COMPLETELY out of line. And while we’re on the subject, you were also completely out of line in the other thread where you rudely tried to tell her what to do wrt her comics.

      What kind of twisted morals do you have that you think it’s proper to go to another person’s space and condescendingly tell them what to do and how they REALLY feel about things?!? Like, there is literally no part of your comment that contributes anything of value to this thread, and indeed your paternalistic musings that showcase how you clearly believe you are more of an authority on Grace than she is on herself only serves to crap on everyone here who is participating in good faith.

      Do us all a favor and keep your armchair diagnoses about who Grace is and what she should do to yourself. I think I can safely speak for most regular readers here when I say that your inappropriate and disrespectful comments are NOT WELCOME here.

  34. I’m really sorry to hear that.

    There are places you can go that are interesting, but sanitary enough and close to hospitals for you. Singapore, Taiwan, Hong Kong, perhaps even Bangkok if you play it safe, Kuala Lumpur…of course you can travel all over Europe. You’ll probably never go to India, China etc. but you can still travel. I hope someday that you will.

  35. This reminded me of the sad start of a certain movie.
    I’m sure you will show your husband the world in the way you only know how: your eyes. He sees the world in you, and he cherishes every moment of it, and that is beautiful.
    You should have no regrets, darling; because I know he doesn’t.
    You are his world.

  36. This is a very moving post, Grace. You have courage to put personal stuff out there – especially on the anonymous internet, showing vulnerability requires bravery and/or a thick skin!

    You’re such a talented writer and comic artist! Also, compared to my life, you are actually very well-travelled and you’re an awesome couple with the health issue and all! It really sucks that you can’t do the energetic travelling that you had both hoped to do but it sounds as if you have come to peace with it, which is impressive.

    My now ex-boyfriend (Japanese) struggled to cope with the health condition that I live with and eventually left because of it. Everyone’s circumstances are different and the ways people cope are different but I’d say that Ryosuke is a special man. And you are so strong for accomplishing so much in the face of challenges. Thank you for sharing this :)

  37. That was so touching.. i had no idea with your sickness~
    But I’m glad Ryosuke takes good care of you
    You guys stick together so well hehe

    I can’t comprehend that to that feeling ..
    But I always have a low blood pressure that means I faint very easily and even that aint no fun
    I’m praying for your well being I wish someday it might get better
    I mean miracles also do happen :)

  38. ActualArtist // 3 February, 2015 at 6:08 am //

    Good for you! Your courage is inspiring — thanks for sharing, and “keep on keeping on!”.

  39. This article was so touching, Grace, that I literally got choked up and tears came to my eyes. Ryosuke’s rationale for why you tend to get sick was so sweet, as was his assertion that he loves taking care of you when you’re ill (he’s obviously still a keeper–now more than ever!). :) But I didn’t realize that in addition to worries about your health and ability to travel, you’ve had to deal with a lot of haters lately (as an earlier commenter noted). To these valid concerns, I can only say two things: 1) I’m sure that you’ll continue to travel abroad occasionally, even if its not a good idea to go to very remote places (believe me, as life goes on you and Ryosuke will be able to travel more simply because you’ll start to be better paid the older you get, generally speaking); and 2) Yes, haters are very distracting and disheartening, but if you think about it, it may help put matters into perspective if you note that they’re undoubtedly a small minority of your reader/viewership, and act the way they do not because they have special insight into your character, but because they’re emotionally unbalanced (to put it mildly). Anyway, its nice to see you responding to a few comments again, although as your unmet internet ‘friend’, I urge you to stick to your guns and not over-extend yourself by spending too much time responding to questions, comments, and requests (so, no need to respond to this one, okay?–I’ve already taken up to much of your time with this lengthy comment). Cheers! :)

  40. That is such a sweet way of looking at the situation. So happy you have Ryosuke to take care of you.

  41. It is wonderful that he is such a supportive husband! To have a weak immune system is really not nice but at least with the right partner by your side you can make the best out of it without feeling too regretful by not able to rush through all your dreams.

    Not that I have myself a weak immune system but when I do get sick it really mean sick. In December I ate something wrong and ended up over a week ill in bed with doctors coming over to check on me while my friends who had the same problems were fine after 1 1/2 days! Furthermore I suffered all my teenage years under extrem migrane (hope it is the right term, you know the stupid headacher with other symptoms). During the worst years I had every week at least one attack which left me sometimes lying on the streets not being able to move anymore when I was not able to leave school quickly enough after the first symptons appeared..

  42. this is the most beautiful and moving post that you’ve ever written Grace… thanks for sharing with us your feelings. Even just knowing that there are people like you and Ryosuke makes me happy :) and please please please, try not to feel bitter about not being able to ‘give him the world’… you already give it to each other, everyday with your mutual love.
    Good luck with your health Grace, enjoy your dream-become-true and all the new dreams that it bred ♥

  43. This is beautiful, Grace. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  44. OMG. I could’ve never guessed. This makes me sad. ;3; I want you to be happy and healthy. Is there really no way to get rid of those…?

    And Ryosuke is amazing! Thumbs up for a wonderful husband. You two are awesome together.

    Also, I know how it’s like to have someone in that state and all… but don’t lose hope… I have faith that one day you’ll be so healthy that you’ll go around the world in 80 days. ;) Like in the story of Jules Vernes. Take care of yourself. ;3;

  45. You and your husband are the cutest! And though I know you blog for a living and have probably developed a thick skin by now, kudos on being that vulnerable about these regrets on the internet – it’s not an easy place! Keep up the positive outlook – often, we all get too tied down to globetrot as we might have wished to when we were little/ younger. Sometimes the greater challenge is to notice the magical things in the everyday. I really enjoy your blog, and hope your health can improve! :)

  46. Anonymous // 3 February, 2015 at 2:48 am //

    Hello dear, this post literary brought a tear to my eye. I am happy to see how amazing your relationship is. You both seem to be a lovely people. Thanx for sharing. x

  47. Wow…you made me cry…and that’s saying a LOT LOL. I know how hard it can be to open up and explain aspects of your life, especially to people you don’t know. Thank you for this post. Your words really put things into perspective.

  48. Oh Grace, this post was really something!
    (I always read your posts, but I’m more shy to comment on your blog than on youtube)
    Now I can fully understand why it gets hard for you to travel and why doing the “Caminho de Santiago” might be too harsh.
    I’m really sorry to know about it, but I can’t help but feel inspired by you! What you have to go through physically and emotionally is not easy at all, yet you always find a way to make things a bit better. You find happiness in the everyday things and that’s so important!
    I understand that writing this down is also a way of fighting these demons and regrets, but whenever you feel down you have to remember how lucky you are! Not only because you’re alive, but because you have a person who cares so much about you in this world :) So much, that being there for you is not a bother or regret at all, instead it’s the opposite! Not everyone has that kind of luck ;)

    Take good care of you, and as a supporter I’ll be cheering on you!

  49. zoomingjapan // 2 February, 2015 at 9:36 pm //

    Oh, I’m really sorry to hear about your sickness(es). :(
    I’m glad that you found a freelancing job that you like doing and that gives you enough money. :)

    It seems like my job wouldn’t be for you. I often get sick as well, because that’s just what happens when you are in one room with 30+ tiny bacteria coughing kids all the time. ;)

    When I first came to Japan, I was sick every other week. Even a normal cold felt like something much more serious at first. I guess my body had to adapt to Japanese bacteria first? No, idea. ^^; ….

    I’ve always felt much healthier in Japan than I did in my home country.

    I guess the environment (including the people around you) can make a huge difference.

    Judging from your happy photos, it looks like you both got what you wanted and are happy the way it is. REALLY glad to read that. ^___^

  50. Very moving and touching. <3 Thank you for sharing such a personal story. YJ and I are just celebrating our 2nd year dating anniversary today and your post has made me think a lot about our discussions and plans for the future from a different angle.
    We all have different gifts and different limitations and have to carve out a life with both of them in mind. You do seem to be making the best of it, and you have a fantastic partner to accompany you on your journey in lifeーa stellar combo if I ever saw one. :)

  51. Okay, this really got to me. I just wanted to let you know that
    you’re blog posts always help me in some way. It’s hard to put into words but there are only
    a few people I can relate to but you’re one of them. My sister is sick very often, too
    and though some people might say that she’s weak, she is one of the strongest people I know, maybe the strongest. She is my best friend in the whole world and I know she does’t let this define her or her life, just like you don’t. Being strong isn’t about having a strong body but a strong mind, Grace, and having people to lean on to (yes, even this is “being strong” to me) and you have that in Ryosuke. I know that you had to deal with a lot of haters over the last months and I just wanted to let you know that your way of managing that, was great. Never back down.
    All the best to you both :) Lara

  52. Keep doing what you’re doing! You’re one of my favourite bloggers :) This post is very honest, that’s what I like about it, the level of honesty. Amazing post x

  53. Anonymous // 2 February, 2015 at 5:19 pm //

    Good luck with everything.
    Probably the best blog entry I have ever read on your blog, wonderful words and emotions.
    We all have our weaknesses :)

    (you have probably already tried tons of stuff, but maybe you could try alternative medecine? I know somebody which had several health problems and couldn’t ease his pain with traditional medecine but the alternative did wonders to him)

    • Thank you. I’m glad to hear that.

      Actually, I’ve gotten “better” (or at least less sick) when I stick to a regular eating/sleeping/exercise/vitamin/nutrient schedule. My husband found some great multi-vitamins that seem to work really well. I haven’t been sick (bedridden sick, at least) for almost three months now!

  54. Kyendwarrior // 2 February, 2015 at 3:35 pm //

    Aww, you guys are the sweetest couple ever! This post was so moving. I wish you both bunches of happiness and health in the future! <3

  55. Kyendwarrior // 2 February, 2015 at 3:33 pm //

    Aww, you guys are the sweetest couple ever. This piece was so moving. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts with us! I wish you both bunches of more happiness and health in the future! <3

  56. whoa. i appreciate how you started this post by lamenting over the uncertainties of your health and what that implies for your marriage… but then you recognize and acknowledge how ryosuke cares for you, and how you’ve accepted that your marriage is more valuable than traveling and adventures… that was beautifully written. =)

    your story is a wonderful example of the gift of marriage. for us married folks, we vow to care for our spouse ‘in sickness and health…’ it’s encouraging to read how you and your husband love and care for one another. thanks for being open and vulnerable in sharing this.

  57. Aside from showing once again how strong your bond with Ryosuke is and how strong you both are, facing one problem after the other without losing your smiles, I think yiu just reminded everyone who follows you how many things that we take for granted are actually a precious gift that could be taken away anytime.
    I hope you will still be able to visit many amazing places and that your conditions will improve with time until your body can keep up with your dreams. Fighting!

  58. *lays down*
    *tries not to cry*
    *cries*

  59. I enjoy posts like these. Human emotions are powerful, especially ones of love.
    It is so awesome that you’ve found someone that loves ALL of you, even your imperfections. What he said at the end there, was the sweetest thing ever. I hope one day to be with my better half again soon and we can share all our dreams of travelling in person as well. It sucks when you have to cancel travel plans. I did that a few times with my boyfriend, but it was because of financial reasons and not health ones. I wish you and Ryosuke will have a successful epic adventure in a far away land soon.

  60. You are so fortunate to have each other :)

    How frustrating not to be able to enjoy those adventures you dreamed of — to travel so far only to find yourself in hospital before having to turn back home :( The amebas sound quite scary. But surely that’s not related to a condition you were born with.. Have doctors at least been able to determine a reason for your susceptibility to illnesses? You don’t mention this, so I wonder if you at least have answers, or if it’s something of an unknown.

  61. Another great post about your love and experience with your man that almost made me tear up. Thanks for sharing the story with us. And I have to say that reading your blog posts somehow teaches me to be more appreciated to everything I have now, since it may won’t be there in the future. Stay healthy, Grace :D

  62. Thank you for sharing your experience and what you have learnt about your relationship through suffering. I can relate so much to your gratefulness of growing up and living in countries where you can strive in your own path.

  63. You had me in tears the whole time I was reading this.

    You two are the one couple I look up to and admire no matter what. Keep being you please.

  64. Love you, Grace

  65. I think the only weakness you have is you melt whenever your husband calls your name.
    Read up on gratitude Grace. Humans fail at seeing that what they do have is something someone else envies. You are not lonely, have shelter, intelligent, not a bad looker, food on the table, friends to go out with and loved by people you’ll never know exist who read your blog and have gotten to know you. Read the news if you want to find someone worse off than you. You may be Ryosuke better half but he wouldn’t be complete without a wonderful woman like you.

    • Anonymouse // 2 February, 2015 at 3:23 pm //

      Wow. This comment is SO inappropriate I can’t even.

      “Read up on gratitude”? “Read the news if you want to find someone worse off than you”? Are you serious?? In what world is saying anything like that to someone even remotely appropriate?!?!

      Like, dude, the proper response to someone sharing something emotional/important in their life is NOT to play some bizarre pity party olympics where they are not allowed to ever express any non-positive emotion unless they can show you a certified letter that proves they are The Worst Off, Evar. I honestly don’t know if you are chiding Grace or trying to be encouraging, but all you succeeded in doing is coming off as a HUGE a-hole. Honestly, I think you may need to examine your life choices if you think it is in any way okay to respond to someone with the extreme lack of empathy that you just showed here.

      You owe Grace an apology. Seriously.

  66. Wow, what a powerful post Grace. Thank you so much for sharing. It really does sound like you have found your soulmate and that is such a precious thing.

  67. Ok who’s cutting onions around here?? Stop it!

    On a serious note, thanks for the inspiration. Chronic conditions can be a gift. I can learn to appreciate what I have and learn what’s really important. The Beatles had it: Love is all you need.

  68. Jessica Narvaez // 2 February, 2015 at 11:25 am //

    This is so cute! :,) reminds me of my fiance and I. I am always sick and it scares him. I had 2 surgeries within 2 months. And it was horrible but my fiance helped and was the only one to help. I am grateful to have him. I just know from what you type that you two are meant to be.

  69. Oh wow!!! I never would have thought. Honestly I think you are lucky. You are blessed with loving people and job that gives you so much. Don’t let some bad health stop you from been an adventurer. You can find a way to do that. I’m a daydreamer myself. I think u should start talking with Riyouske like u used to. Make new dreams together. Loving live and been an adventurer doesn’t have to mean you should clime Everest or be a Tarzan girl. Courage. And you know it’s Japan. Here even the toilets talk to you (actually that creeps me out). Maybe here is a magic cure for you. Best of luck, lots of love, unending smiles, and great health.

    Xo Xo Viki

  70. Not to skip over the subject of this post, but since when is groupon not a thing anymore? Lol

  71. This post gave me so many feels Grace. You don’t need to travel the world. It seems like you’re already having plenty of adventures with your husband no matter where you are. :) I’ve learned over time it doesn’t matter where you go as long as you have someone you love besides you. That’s all you need. ^_^ Thanks for sharing this with us.

  72. Sniffle cute and adorable all in one. Makes me think of the movie “Up”. Sorry to hear you get ill. Writing from warm living room watching the Super Bowl while snowed in.

  73. Thank you so much for writing this. It’s so lovely and you manage to be frank and hurt without wallowing. You’re a star.

  74. I too am very lucky. When I was younger, my parents were able to give me the opportunity to travel around the world, seeing things some people will only ever dream about. As I got older though, my disability (hemiparesis of the left side) decided to get more pronounced, my leg and my arm getting weaker. Now that I am married, my wife is my biggest fan, and my biggest helper. She helps me on a daily basis doing things that most people would say “He’s lazy… he can do all that himself.” She just smiles at them(I think she wants to say something but…) When I had a feared TIA at work one day, she drove faster than the ambulance to the hospital.

    I know that I’ll never be able to take her some places I loved (Egypt, Gobi Desert) because of my disabilities and I feel terrible. She tells me that it’s okay and she wouldn’t want to go without me. When I ask her where we should go on vacation, she says “Wherever you want to go, so we can be together.”

    We don’t do things, like hiking or camping or whatever… but watch us sort baseball cards together, and you’d think that a party was happening. Its why I’m the luckiest guy around… she really gets me. I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

  75. This literally made me cry! On your videos you don’t seem like a person this has happened to. You are so amazing and I can’t wait to see more of your videos and comics!

  76. I like reading your blog. It brought me laughter but at the same time I sad to know about your sickness. I hope God will continue to give you happiness in your life, forever. Take care.

  77. my goodness, you two are unbelievable. ‘Adventure’ isn’t always about travelling and doing crazy, stupid things- marriage itself is an adventure, and I’m sure everyone including me can tell yours is going to be beautiful. Always be proud of who you are and what you’ve achieved, you bring a lot of people joy and comfort through your blog and I only wish I could be even half as great as you are- enjoy your adventures! Lots of love <3

  78. You and your husband are absolutely adorable! From what you’ve shared with the world, it seems like you have the kind of love to last a lifetime :) Your health is very important (I understand because I have my own health issues as well), so please take care of yourself! I’m looking forward to more posts and comic books, so keep up the great work! :D

  79. So you basically have a very, very weak immune system? That’s awful – I sort of take for granted that I get moderately sick maybe once a year and almost never have to see doctors. I hope you continue to make the most of your freelance work and that you get all the joy you can, even when you can’t risk crazy hikes.

  80. The end. Oh my gosh…. <3 <3 <3

  81. That was so sweet!! You’re so lucky to have each other!! You guys are SO that awesome couple! I have health issues that aren’t a turn-on and am worried I’ll never find someone who’ll understand that while my situation is unique, I don’t want him to treat me differently. :-D

  82. Wow, Grace, this post was very moving. You have married what appears to a great guy who will take care of you during rough times. That’s is the best adventure, having a marriage like that. I want to globe trot, but I realize that might be out of reach most of the time. I turn to books for adventures and seek to write my own. But finding joy in mundane things is something others can’t do. It’s a gift! Thanks for writing such a great blog post.

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